Celebrating My Very Special Birthday Gift
Celebrating My Very Special Birthday Gift

I often speak of my eldest son, Kyan, but the truth is he isn’t my first child. Eight years ago, I lost my firstborn son, Aiden, who was born 11 weeks premature and suffered from several serious birth defects. I miss him dearly; he was — and still is — one of the true lights of my life. There is a lot to the story, but one highlight is that my little angel and I share a special day. He was born on my 25th birthday, March 15, 2004. It’s been a hardship for me to celebrate my special day since losing him, but it wasn’t until this year that Kyan has really noticed that I don’t do the cake and all-day celebrating for myself that I do for my husband and boys.
He’s known for quite some time that he has a brother in heaven, but it wasn’t until recently that the idea really sank in. When he asked about my birthday, and why we don’t celebrate the same way we do for everyone else, I had a tear-filled heart to heart with him about the sadness I feel in his brother’s absence. He really seemed to understand, but then he asked why we don’t have a party for both Aiden and me. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t take me by surprise, but it made sense. I’ve always told him that Aiden is an angel that is with us and watching us always, so why wouldn’t he want a birthday party, too?
This conversation took place a couple of days ago, and it’s been all I could think about since. At first I thought it somehow seemed inappropriate. But after some soul searching, I realized that my husband, sons and I all deserved to remember and celebrate the day he came into our lives and the love that he brought to our family, even if he was only here for six weeks. And, though our birthday is bittersweet without him, it’s an honor to share it with such a special little soul. Plus, Aiden is my other sons’ big brother, and it’s important for them to have the opportunity to know about him and celebrate his life as best they can. By not celebrating our birthday, I’m denying my family and myself the chance to feel the joy of the day.
Losing a child is an extremely painful thing, and parents grieve in many ways. The added twist of sharing my birthday with my lost son has always shed a melancholy light on the day, but it wasn’t until I talked with Kyan that I realized I was depriving us all the chance to celebrate both our lives and contributions to our family.
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